Quandaries & Croissants
This “alphabet essay” was originally written in September of 2020, modeled after the format of Kendra Allen’s When You Learn the Alphabet.
“A Korean girl speaking Korean is blah, but a Korean girl speaking French, now that’s interesting.”
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But you won’t be able to speak to your grandparents or extended family. You give up access to their wisdom, humor, and love. Their stories will forever be regurgitated through your parents’ sorry excuse for a translation.
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CROISSANTS, THOUGH! When you study abroad in Paris, you can order croissants all on your own!
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Damn. You do love croissants. They are buttery and flaky in ways your grandparents’ stories could never even dream of. You don’t need to speak the language to feel connected to your Korean heritage, right? You have family, traditions, foo--
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“Ewwwwwwwww. Ewww. Ew. Are those worms?” asks Abby Decaprio. “No,” you reply. They are Korean soba noodles made with buckwheat and potato starch, commonly prepared with a cold broth or umami-flavored sauce. “But yeah, haha I think they look like worms too!”
You lie like a rug. They soooo do not look like worms.
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Fifth grade Cultural Day is here! Mitali brought tandoori chicken. Delish. Tyler brought bibimbap. Yum. Hannah brought Rice-a-Roni. You’re still quite confused on that one.
Your mom walks in with a classic: donuts. Or “doughnuts” if you prefer a hint of sophistication to pair with your gluttonous pastry. In fact, with your newfangled French-speaking capabilities, you can probably pronounce “éclair” with a perfect accent. The fried-sugary-dough-balls are a massive hit with your fellow fifth grade friends, to absolutely nobody’s surprise.
You’re pop-u-larrrrr. You’re coollllll. You are raking in the tetherball requests, my friend. Kids love other kids who bring dessert to school to share with the class. Hold on to this feeling. Bask in the glory. Once you start bringing worms to cultural day, that’ll be the end of that.
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God is always watching you. Obey your parents. Do not covet. Murder is forbidden.
Don’t break the rules, you. Always obey your elders, you. It’s in the Bible.
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“Hiring rule-breakers and risk-takers!!! We at Google, Amazon, Netflix, and EveryOtherCompany LLC are looking to hire those individuals who break the boundaries and think outside of the box. We believe rules exist to be broken. Nothing great has ever happened by adhering to the rules.”
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I… you thought you were doing everything right. You thought you were supposed to follow the rules and do what you were told. You thought you were being a good student, a good daughter, a good son. You thought that would get you far in life. You thought that would be enough.
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“Just
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Kidding!” -- the world
You are sometimes paralyzed by the fear of getting it wrong, breaking a rule, getting in trouble.
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“Let go a little! Have some fun.”
You know that you’re fun. You don’t need to break rules to have fun. ? .
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More people than you can see are feeling the same way as you. Find them. Community is urgent.
You learn the true value of good friends. Good friends will make you feel loved regardless of how hardy you party, how many shots you take, and how many donuts/doughtnuts/eclairs/croissants you bring to the table.
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Nooooo, are you getting sappy? Yes, you are. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t apologize.
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Okay, that just reminded you to share a few of your goals for this week/month/year/decade/life.
Stop apologizing when you are not at fault.
Don’t care about what others think of you.
Sit up straight.
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Posture reflects confidence. You hunch in hopes of making yourself smaller, in hopes of eventually becoming invisible, in hopes of never getting into trouble. Being tall is difficult, despite being constantly told by others that it is a gift. You stick out, but maybe that’s a good thing. You are quite literally above average.
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Quandary: a state of perplexity or doubt (thank you Merriam-Webster)
This word reminds you of your sister because you both learned this word from an episode of Full House. Television is your point of connection with others, but you are in a quandary regarding this subject at the moment.
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Reality imitates art just as much as art imitates reality. And people that look like you are rarely portrayed in television or film.
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Something must be done about this. A Korean girl speaking Korean is not only interesting, but is more than just the language she speaks. People want to be seen and represented, and while media most definitely isn’t to blame for all of life’s problems, it does and has affected your perception of your place in the world.
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Trés deep. Trés, trés deep.
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U may be a Korean-American who is enrolled in French 101, but your pride in your culture and roots is blossoming. Bring all the donuts. Speak tout le français. Eat all the noodles.
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Vanessa Hudgens once said “There’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach.”
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Why did you just say that? Gross.
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X that out please. Pretend like you didn’t just say that.
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Zeriously, forget those last few sentences.